oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
