She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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