I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
