i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
