Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
