I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
