I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
