you guys were way drunker than both of me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
