remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
