i just wanna soil my oats bro
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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