Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
