I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
