My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
