i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
