and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize