She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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