If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You pole danced in your parka.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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