Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
