was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
