I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
