She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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