Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He kissed a someone with a penis
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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