NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
