mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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