TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
