I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
