Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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