She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize