She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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