Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
