Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
