just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
