broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
