Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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