A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
