final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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