Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
