I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize