He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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