apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize