Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
