If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
