I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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