hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
