I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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