I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
