stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
