how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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