this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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