At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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