im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
