do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
