need another drink. this is the easiest way
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
