Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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