She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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