Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
