Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
