By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize