Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
