laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
