somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
