I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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