I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
