Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
