I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
