Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
