Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
