So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
