tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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