Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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