my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
